BROKEN CRAYONS DO COLOUR

Teeth clenched, holding my breath just staring blankly at the toddler as she continues to meticulously unwrap each and every crayon. Leaving them bare and naked, exposed to the elements, spread on the table. Little fingers in a pincer grasp, pendulate around the table trying to decide what colour is satisfactory to her hungry senses. […]

What I have learnt from my depression

Depression is like a thunderstorm that strikes at the heart of your body and soul. It ravages your personality, massacres your behaviour and twists your thought patterns. Many who have survived the storm of depression would guarantee one thing. Once the storm is over, you are not the same person you used to be. The mark is imprinted on your mind, soul […]

B is for BABY

Everybody loves the countdown to a new baby. It is among the best – and most profound – before and afters life has to offer. Leap into the great unknown, fall off the edge of a cliff, enter a brave new world. Invoke any imagery you like: when the cord is cut and what was […]

Free Falling

In an attempt to get healthier-and fit- I have resorted to walking every morning. As most things in life it is proving a tad harder to make this habit but I am trying. Yesterday I was feeling super fit, went for a walk with my couch to 5km app and actually started a slow trot […]

Bring your own Brass Band

In the dimly lit house I feel like shedding a tear, in the dark on the cold tiled floor on a hot summer evening. That sounds pretty poetic, actually it was more along the lines of ugly crying (Kim Kardashian style) in the dark, on a hot floor, I don’t know who is screwing with El’ Nino and La Nina or who ever is appropriate but GAWD it’s hot. Like sweating bullets hot.

You will rise

      There was an elaborate plan of the blog post  I wanted to write Miss M for her third birthday. It was going to be absolute magic and awe inspiring and would have brought tears to even the stubbornest of souls. (The tears might be a bit much-rather unicorns and rainbows and bubbles) […]

The little things.

The skies decided to open this evening and bless us with some much needed rain. The Western Cape is in a drought, the worst recorded in history and we are preparing for day zero. Yes there has been strict water restrictions for well over a year but from the 1st of February we have been […]

The gift of life-Stem Cell storage

Let’s take a brief moment and talk about stem cells. So your initial reaction would be what the hell is that and what does that have to do with being a mother. Well, everything really. What is a stem cell? It is an undifferentiated cell of a multicellular organism which is capable of giving rise […]

Birth

  So let’s talk childbirth and all the things nobody cares to share with you. You know the less glamorous stuff that gets shunned off to the side like yesterday’s rubbish. First a bit of biology. Babies can be born by two means; Either they pop out of your vagina like a  cork from a […]

One, two and then comes three

I suppose every mother gets sentimental around the time of their child’s birthday. What the hell am I even saying I think ANY mother is pretty much sentimental when simply looking at their child, a little bit of heaven that carries a piece of their heart. Miss M’s birthday is fast approaching and I every […]

Happy 20 uhm 18

Life is racing at Mach speed and it feels like I literally need to hold on to something grounded to prevent myself from getting whiplash. Wasn’t it 2014 like 5 seconds ago?Perhaps it isn’t that bad, perhaps my brain has just been set to cruise mode for the past 3 odd years. What I have […]

FOMO-The unnamed toddler curse

      I honestly think my darling daughter suffers from FOMO. So if you are old school like me, FOMO is an acronym that stands for Fear of Missing Out. According to Wikipedia it is  “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”.  (Not to be confused […]

Adopting a pet

So evidently my busy schedule is making me less than available to blog. I have even deserted my social media platforms, and while it’s not necessarily a bad thing-you know with the whole people being connected but so disconnected pandemic doing it’s rounds- I have found that I actually miss it. I just don’t seem […]

My struggle with postpartum depression

It’s taken me two years, 7 months, 5 days and a lot of courage to finally share my postpartum experience. I know that every type of funk that comes with postpartum depression is equally as awful due to the anxiety, extreme sadness, fear and rage that accompanies it. I also have mentioned before that I […]

GERMANY the land of poets and thinkers

I should also ad Germany is the country of pretty much everything amazing. Beautiful landscapes that range from farmlands-think Free State to mountain ranges to magical forests.

Keeping cool

Things I’ve learnt about myself in the last week. I have a lot more patience than I give myself credit for. Mila has been having the WORST tantrums. Think feral child meets gremlin that gets wet with screeches resembling that of an annoyed banshee. And it’s been going like this for probably 4 days now, at […]

Wanderlust not so “wander”ful

TRAVELING WITH A TODDLER When Mila was just about 3 months old we went to Amsterdam for a holiday. (Yes we are those looney parents that planned a trip overseas before the bambino had actually arrived.) Naturally I was a nervous wreck, I like my comfort zone on the best of days, I had to […]

Social media and parenting

This has been something that has been weighing on my heart heavily, and I am not going to lie to you, technology and social media scares the shit out of me. It has been a concern even before I had a child but after the events that took place this past week, I am back […]

Break {age}

nobodylikesyou

We all need a break at times.

It seemed so much easier when we were in school. Set holidays, you just worked towards that goal, eye on the prize, come hell or high water you know when that day comes you are free.

Then you become an adult, with a real job and BOOM that dangling carrot is gone. You get 3 weeks, 21 days and depending on where you work it might be even less. The challenge is to fit all your relaxation requirements into a limited amount of time. To put it in perspective, it goes from about 11 weeks down to 3, not feeling the love.

(I suppose I could throw in the parenting gig but that would just throw this whole story off topic because as we all know parents do not get holidays, well none of them longer than a few minutes anyway-those 2 seconds when you take the first sip of 2007 pinot noir from your plastic cup-because your kid managed to break all your “adult” glasses and you cannot be bothered to buy more, the brief 58 seconds you lay against the elevator door and fall asleep whilst waiting for it to stop on your floor-if you have never done it I would advise you to steer clear of that idea, your head moves with the door as it opens-who would’ve thought? And the few minutes after loading the kid in the car and running around to get to the driver side.)

As an adult (and parent) life does get overwhelming at times and it seems that social media has added fuel to that fire. Have you ever browsed through perfectly curated photos with products and thought “How will I ever live up to THAT?”

Yes? No? Maybe? Just me then?

The lines between reality and cyberspace become more and more blurry and the days of a clear distinction has gone out with yesterday’s trash. We identify with people we see on the internet, and these people are no longer only celebrities that we have carefully placed upon little pedestals in our minds. The people are everyday people, laymen, (and women) that just as easily could be you and me.

And that is what makes it destructively beautiful.

I grew up without social media, yes I am a 33-year old that can happily say that I am one of the last generations to go through my formative years free from the ways “social media wrecks self-esteem”. Facebook only made an appearance towards my final year at university, it was an exciting concept but I didn’t read too much into it.

To be honest as an introvert, it was wonderful to feel connected to the outside world without having to actually go out in it. But this new socialization brought it’s own pressures, like the desire to look good online, and to come across as funny and interesting — all struggles people have in real face-to-face interactions, but applied to a non-stop, global network of people.

Fast forward about ten years and it seems to have become a global pandemic. You not only have to look good and appear interesting, you also have to be good at things and appear to be successful and you have to have an interesting life. The watchers become more and more and more brands and advertisers are thrown into the mix.

It’s a recipe for disaster, right?

Our social media profiles are an extension of our identity-that makes our posts, pictures, and activities like virtual possessions.

That alone makes us objects for marketers who want to sell us products to make perfect photos, increase our popularity, have the nicest profile, and get the most views and likes. It’s kind of like the old “keeping up with the Jones'” trope that has neighbours out-buying each other for appearances.

It keeps us in a place where we equate self-worth with stuff, even if the “stuff” in this case, is our social media profiles.

All this started to take its toll on me a few weeks ago and I just decided to unplug for a while, and it was great but then I also realised that I have a community of people who uplift and support me on social media. A group of people that I got to know personally, that I enjoy talking to and that can lift the spirits when life gets a bit, dreary. (I guess my friend do live in my computer/phone/tablet.)

Despite all the negativity there is positivity, even if it’s just a glimmer, there is still good.

The key, I think, is to not become obsessed.

*Picture is an artwork by IHeart and appears in Stanley Park, Vancouver, Canada