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Wanderlust not so “wander”ful

TRAVELING WITH A TODDLER

When Mila was just about 3 months old we went to Amsterdam for a holiday. (Yes we are those looney parents that planned a trip overseas before the bambino had actually arrived.)

Naturally I was a nervous wreck, I like my comfort zone on the best of days, I had to already deal with this adorable little spitball wreaking havoc in our lives now I had to do it in a foreign country. And people say we are not adventurous enough.

Luckily I had 6 months to mentally prepare myself and truth be told it was actually not that bad. I would even go as far as saying it was easy?

Cute little muffin

 

Two years later the husband thought it to be a good idea to plan another trip overseas. Mentally we were definitely better prepared, we knew that we had to attain certain limits with regards to museums and monuments, strange thing this that two year olds just cannot grasp culture and heritage like we do.

After much discussion, we decided Bavaria. So off to Germany it was.

We had an afternoon flight but had to check in 3 hours prior which meant by the time we actually got onto the airplane Mila was a little bundle of sunshine and about as cooperative as your willpower after a hectic night of partying. Not sure if it’s a pro or a con but because she is 2 she had to pay for a seat, full price. Which beats her sitting on your lap with her spiky arse, downfall, she sits on your lap with her little spiky arse anyway, and razor sharp appendages mind you, I’m constantly dodging appendages from penetrating soft body tissue, any body tissue actually.

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Finally seated, Mila turned into hoarding mode, looking like a squirrel on heroine gathering nuts for the winter. She literally put everything into her bag. From seat pillows to the seat coverings to blankets. It was like she had some kind of activator that switched on and she was acting like those crazy people in those trolley dash competitions. She just had to have it ALL. Myself and Terrence were so shocked we actually didn’t move for a good 10 seconds. I have no idea where all this was coming from, she was acting like she’s never received anything in her life. (Just to assure you, our child has a vast collection of earthly possessions)

After ridding her of {most} of her collectibles we finally got seated and comfortable. And you wondered why parents with children get to board with the disabled and elderly. If we didn’t we would probably still be waiting for the airplane to take off. Toddlers are notoriously slow and stubborn, they also have no concept of time whatsoever.

Grateful for inflight entertainment, unfortunately  only occupied our little cherub for 10 minutes. That included the air hostess calling button she pressed continuously. We had friendly air hostesses at our seats every 2 minutes or so. I need to say Emirates was amazing and patient and very friendly. They also gave all the littles cute animal pillows along with colouring books and pencils. Mila obviously loved this, and you guessed it, it went straight into the bag.

As you can gather we had a connecting flight and I think the first nine hours went okay. When we landed in Dubai Mila was overtired and miserable. The husband bought her a souvenir stuffed camel which she was convinced was a dog-it only “happened” into a camel back in South Africa.

The last stretch to Frankfurt was a nightmare. It was a flight from 3am and landed at about 8 am. Everyone was sleeping, our child was waging wars on her parents’ extremities because she wanted to stretch her legs. It was like being trapped in a mosh pit at some death metal concert-there was a lot of screaming going on. I wanted the earth to swallow me and i couldn’t get her to calm down. The husband was at the verge of an anxiety attack-he doesn’t deal well with public breakdowns, actually any breakdown and I had this child thats screeching and screaming not wanting to be held or calmed or soothed. And then above the engine roar and hellish screams I hear someone shush us.

I hoped i heard wrong, I prayed actually. (I am very considerate when it comes to the public and am very aware when my child is being a nuisance, but at this point I was ready to put this child into the rushing strangers arms and just tell him, if you an do any better, PLEASE, BE MY GUEST)

I just grabbed Mila and got up in one movement and sped off to the bathroom. I probably almost dismembered a few passengers but I was at a point where I didn’t actually care (Not that its big enough to hold two people) But the change of scenery seemed to calm her a bit.

After that the rest of the flight was a bit of a blur. The sun started to come out and my child turned back to the calm semi-collected little soul I know.

We made it to Germany, and we were still breathing.

Willkommen in Deutschland.

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