Reflecting

As we draw closer to the end of the year we (maybe it’s just me) we start to make lists/resolutions for the new year.

Me, well I mostly try and figure out what happened that I find myself in December of 2016 already, it was January like yesterday.

Anyhow along with lists and reflections we tend to place all our mishaps under intense scrutiny and judgement. 2016 has by no means been easy, but we easily look over the good things we’ve accomplished.

One of my New Years resolutions is always to lose weight, I also tend to beat myself up quite badly when that doesn’t pan out the way I want it.

I have come across a few people hating on themselves for not accomplishing great things this year.

Today I want to say, stop sweating the small stuff. Yes some of it is not always small. But look at what you have achieved.

You’ve made it through 2017 alive. You are here? You might not look the way you want but you’ve grown. You’ve become stronger, you’ve got to know yourself a little better. If you are a mother you’ve had the privilege to spend another year with your child(ren).

So yes, I might not have lost the weight I wanted. I might not have saved as much as I intended and my debt is pretty much still a black hole sucking my soul dry but what have I achieved?

I am happy, for the first time in almost 3 years I am happy. Yes I am still on medication but my dosages hasn’t increased. My psychiatry appointments are every 6 months and I actually laugh at my appointments instead of sobbing through the session.

My husband is still my rock, my safety and sanity. He still takes my breath away and is the one person that can make me laugh at things a little more than what is socially acceptable.

I have seen my daughter blossom into a little human that has so many unique traits while at the same time exhibiting so many of my own (and the husband’s) She teaches me so much daily and I overlook that so easily.

I have made peace with my body. (This has been a bitter pill to swallow) I have realized that self love is crucial before any change will come.

I’ve learnt that journaling and exercise can be a saving grace. Meditation is way underrated and sometimes you just need to take a nap.

So yes this year my resolutions will include all the usual but I will also be focusing a lot more on the nice.

xCx

Keeping cool

Things I’ve learnt about myself in the last week. I have a lot more patience than I give myself credit for. Mila has been having the WORST tantrums. Think feral child meets gremlin that gets wet with screeches resembling that of an annoyed banshee. And it’s been going like this for probably 4 days now, at […]

LIFE WITH A TWO YEAR OLD

It’s five pm and I am counting down the hours until “wind down time” aka bedtime. One more hour until I can give her supper followed by some loose entertainment before we hit the bath.

Routine, routine, routine. I’m a sucker for timelines. Everything must have a time and a place. That is my coping mechanism, I am not a perfectionist but I thrive on routine. I’m not your spur of the moment kind of girl, and regrettably my sense for adventure is getting less as my age number is getting higher.

My little human is a full two years old now (a little older but who is counting) and she is more adventurous than ever. Her attitude is pretty much “I don’t give a damn about your silly timelines woman, let me do what I want to do and let me do it now.”  Yes I am a mother. I am a lot of other things as well, many wonderful magnificent things but in my daughter’s mind I am just a mom. So here I am, quite desperately trying to tame the wildness that is this beautiful little human.

 

She is wild and free and lives pretty much for the now, no consequences, no outlook for the future, all that matters is this moment, here .

So what I have seen so far is that with two comes a voice, a very strong opinionated voice. This voice is also quite selfish at times, which is to be expected as she is entering the egotistical phase of her development.

In all honesty it is exhausting, especially at 2h30am when she wants to pet her toy poodle, or is adamantly looking for a stuffed animal that you know you hid somewhere to make sure she doesn’t get it. These 2 year olds have memories like elephants, you can’t make promises and hope they forget by tomorrow, oh no, it’ll come back and bite you in the ass. Little gargoyles I tell you. (yes you read correctly I did compare my child to a stone figure that sits on top of church towers, demon sounded a bit harsh)

But it is also magical, a kind of magic that is beautiful to witness and just wants to make you cry-the weeping might also just be exhaustion but I will leave it at that. Magic that moulds and develops right in front of your very eyes.

Do I think my daughter is more special than any other two year old? Of course I do, she is my kid. However I can vouch that almost every mom feels like this, and that almost every toddler goes through this.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned from my little human is patience. Patience has always been my achilles heel, I’ve never been able to just stand watch someone do something wrong over and over again. Papa Coombes will be able to affirm this-I planned our wedding all by myself, and made most of the things myself. (I am pretty damn stubborn as well) That is just one of many examples I can think of now.

So as my little human is learning with her little brain (with mammoth capabilities) she also wants to help, constantly, with everything. And it’s anything from cooking to cleaning to getting dressed, she wants to either try or just do it herself. As much as all of this annoys me at times-my lack of patience does still want to stick its ugly head out-that look of accomplishment is just so rewarding, so satisfying and make it worth every second it took longer.

I am going to end with a quote by James Lucas Scott;

“All you can do is your best, okay?”